My Puzzle Piece

Before, I didn't even know I was missing something. I didn't know there was something to miss. I didn't realize that there was another part to me, walking around and living without me. I could have gone years more, a lifetime even, without knowing and I would have survived. I could breathe and function just fine and still be happy.

But then I met you.

You had been existing wholly without me, just as I without you. But when we met, a space that had been between us ceased. The part that had been missing was now found and you fit it perfectly. Like puzzle pieces we came together, with nothing but death to eventually win out and separate us.

There is a warmth where there was once none. An arm, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean upon. I listen to you breathe in time with me at night, our lungs in unison despite themselves, and vaguely recall my life before you. I had never known such completeness, such agitation, such deep wells of feeling. You stirred them all up within me and, with a touch, calmed them to peace.

You are there when I don't deserve you. When I am at my lowest and even when I fight you, you hold me until I am settled. And I know you won't desert me. My fears are without basis, my anxieties without foundation, my insecurities without frame. All of these crumble and do not hold up against the person you are to me.

I could have lived without you and been happy. I could have gone on and had a full life. But now, there is no before. You are my third arm, my second pair of eyes, my beating heart. And I am better for every inch of your existence that is now attached to mine. I am better for you. My puzzle piece.

Temptation: a contemplation.

Temptation follows me. It is a sexless thing, no shape or form except the one I give it. It follows me everywhere I go, all day, whispering in my ear and drawing my sight to evil things. There are times when it has infiltrated my mind in flashes of pleasure, promises of escape and relief. They are not lies.

 

But what of the cost? Do I sacrifice my humanity? My ability to reason? My self-control? For one moment of bliss? One moment that will eat away at my soul for all eternity? Because just as in one ear temptation whispers it's dare, in the other it curses "Monster!"

 

What is a moment worth? What is the creature at my back worth? Forever it will bite, forever it will gnaw at me, in my guts, chewing on my itching hands. "Just once more," it says. "Then I'll release you." But no. This is the lie.

 

Temptation will forever follow me. It will forever be attached at my hip, like a part of me that I was born with. Outside my mother's womb it waited. It waited years, for it is patient, and took me when my innocence was lost to the world. And now it has latched on, stubborn and refusing to let go. It was born when I was born and shall die when I die.

 

This I live with. It is an inhabitant in my home that doesn't pay rent. But just as it is stubborn, so am I. And I know the truth it wishes me not to see.

 

I can overcome temptation.

 

Temptation is my foil, my antagonist, my villain. But I was born with the strength to beat it. I did not come by this strength on my own. No, it was graciously given to me by God. And He is there to help me fight. There, you see him raise His hand and brace me with it. Because He is here for me.

 

And temptation falls. Surely, as all annoying villains do, it will rise again. But I need only seek out my God and He is here, deeper inside me than any sin could be.

 

And I am not alone. Not here, where the fight includes many. For temptation follows us all.