Have You Seen Me?

Have you seen me?

I am always there, right beside you.

Sometimes you even shush me,

demanding my silence when you shouldn't.

 

I really wish the best for you.

That's why I am here.

I watch what you watch and learn what you learn,

and hope what you hope.

 

But have you seen me?

As time goes by, I am less and less.

My very purpose becomes twisted,

I cannot fight it.

 

Sometimes you listen to me,

but more often I am quieted,

more often I am losing my true sense,

my true identity.

 

Now I find myself sleeping more.

I no longer watch over you.

I'm sorry, but you don't seem to want me anymore.

Even though I've protected you for so long.

 

The world has done it's job,

it has stolen mine.

It has replaced me and moved into the very spot I once lived,

the very spot I once thrived inside you.

 

Because now you've forgotten,

I used to be a part of you.

Maybe someday you'll dust me off again.

I can only wait.

 

I am sorry if I used to be such a bother,

really I only had what's best for you in mind.

So now I'll wait for the day,

the day when you remember me,

your conscience.

 

 

 



My Puzzle Piece

Before, I didn't even know I was missing something. I didn't know there was something to miss. I didn't realize that there was another part to me, walking around and living without me. I could have gone years more, a lifetime even, without knowing and I would have survived. I could breathe and function just fine and still be happy.

But then I met you.

You had been existing wholly without me, just as I without you. But when we met, a space that had been between us ceased. The part that had been missing was now found and you fit it perfectly. Like puzzle pieces we came together, with nothing but death to eventually win out and separate us.

There is a warmth where there was once none. An arm, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean upon. I listen to you breathe in time with me at night, our lungs in unison despite themselves, and vaguely recall my life before you. I had never known such completeness, such agitation, such deep wells of feeling. You stirred them all up within me and, with a touch, calmed them to peace.

You are there when I don't deserve you. When I am at my lowest and even when I fight you, you hold me until I am settled. And I know you won't desert me. My fears are without basis, my anxieties without foundation, my insecurities without frame. All of these crumble and do not hold up against the person you are to me.

I could have lived without you and been happy. I could have gone on and had a full life. But now, there is no before. You are my third arm, my second pair of eyes, my beating heart. And I am better for every inch of your existence that is now attached to mine. I am better for you. My puzzle piece.

Temptation: a contemplation.

Temptation follows me. It is a sexless thing, no shape or form except the one I give it. It follows me everywhere I go, all day, whispering in my ear and drawing my sight to evil things. There are times when it has infiltrated my mind in flashes of pleasure, promises of escape and relief. They are not lies.

 

But what of the cost? Do I sacrifice my humanity? My ability to reason? My self-control? For one moment of bliss? One moment that will eat away at my soul for all eternity? Because just as in one ear temptation whispers it's dare, in the other it curses "Monster!"

 

What is a moment worth? What is the creature at my back worth? Forever it will bite, forever it will gnaw at me, in my guts, chewing on my itching hands. "Just once more," it says. "Then I'll release you." But no. This is the lie.

 

Temptation will forever follow me. It will forever be attached at my hip, like a part of me that I was born with. Outside my mother's womb it waited. It waited years, for it is patient, and took me when my innocence was lost to the world. And now it has latched on, stubborn and refusing to let go. It was born when I was born and shall die when I die.

 

This I live with. It is an inhabitant in my home that doesn't pay rent. But just as it is stubborn, so am I. And I know the truth it wishes me not to see.

 

I can overcome temptation.

 

Temptation is my foil, my antagonist, my villain. But I was born with the strength to beat it. I did not come by this strength on my own. No, it was graciously given to me by God. And He is there to help me fight. There, you see him raise His hand and brace me with it. Because He is here for me.

 

And temptation falls. Surely, as all annoying villains do, it will rise again. But I need only seek out my God and He is here, deeper inside me than any sin could be.

 

And I am not alone. Not here, where the fight includes many. For temptation follows us all.

 

Getting used to FAKE EYELASHES {and other uncomfortable things}

Hello, all! As I write this I am wearing one of the strangest pairs of somethings in the girl fashion world: fake eyelashes! And why, may you ask, am I subjecting myself to this totally voluntary torture? BECAUSE OF CHASE CON EXPO!!!!

There is a great many new things I am trying out for this anime/gaming/anythingtodowithcoolthings convention. One of them happens to be the use of fake eyelashes, for which my costume would be incomplete without.

 

 

 

And now I'm back after sneezing one of them off.

 

 

This cosplay WILL be worth it! For those of you who don't know what cosplay is: COStume PLAY. You dress up in your favorite version of your favorite character from, well, anything [shows, movies, cartoons] and go to a convention to show off your stuff. It's a nice way to get a chance to be someone else for a day and it not be Halloween {not ALL of us celebrate that}.

Some more torturous items that my costume will be involving is a beautiful pink wig and circle lenses. Again, for those not in the know, circle lenses are contact lenses in the color of your choice that happen to be a bit bigger than the diameter of your iris. This gives you a look of a more anime-ish person, in most cases causing your stare to be more like a doll's or alien's. I am going for the former.

I shall be donning a sweet Lolita dress with dolly Mary Jane shoes with a distinct doll face makeup to complete the look. I have watched the tutorials, bought the items in question, and now commence with every day practice. I freaked out my in-laws with the contacts.

The wig is relatively easy to handle and I've already had practice with circle lenses from another cosplay. It is the soft, unassuming, eye dressings that seem to be causing the most trouble. For one thing, professionals make it look easy, but getting the darned things on is a talent for which Simon Cowell might even stand for. Then there is the ever present feeling that something is on your eye. I had actually gotten one to the point of feeling comfortable, but the other simultaneously was stabbing the corner of my eye and also falling off constantly. The sneeze was the finisher.

I'm sure {or at least, I HOPE} that with practice, I'll get better at putting and keeping them on. Which means for the next few days I'll be stabbing my eye with tweezers because the con is this weekend. Ha, ha. [Cue nervous sweat.]

IF any of you out there have suffered for your art, so to speak, let me know. I'm sure I won't be the only one who will have a semi-awkward but amazing time at the con. Hope to see some of you there! I'll be the one blinking furiously.

I'M BACK!!! And still alive. AND WITH CHALLENGE TWO!

Hello all! I am sorry for such the long wait between posts! As you know from a previous post, we went to Disney World. The trip was an amazing experience, one that allowed my inner child to run free and one I'll not soon forget. Then we got home and fall struck with all it's cold temperatures and what follows.

I got sick. Now I'll admit it: I am the biggest baby when I get sick. I hate being sick. Every moment of it is a moment when I feel like jumping out of my own skin and finally being rid of the cage that is my aching and sore body. And all this I dealt with for a week.

This is how I know that I chose well when I picked a husband. He was an invaluable asset, picking up ginger ale, making repeated trips to the store for Mucinex, and serving me whatever my picky and nauseated stomach could handle. He held me in bewilderment, knowing that all he wanted to do was make my suffering stop but being unable to. And all the while, he had to deal with me. Le Miserable.

So. If you ever want to argue that your hubby is better than mine, see above.

And now I return! Healthy, happy, and more well read. (There was nothing to do but read while I was sick.) How have you all been? I am happy to see the page views I missed and hope that you all haven't given up on me!

November rolls closer each day and so does the first day of Writer's Round Table. I am so excited that I dream of scenarios. Speaking of dreams, some of my best writing ideas come from dreams.

A book that I recently finished writing actually originated with a very detailed dream I had two years ago. I started just by writing it down in an enticing description and it took off from there.

Have any of you ever had such a dream? I find that most people I ask, especially adults, say that they can't remember their dreams most nights. I wonder if there is something to that. I hope I always remember mine, even though I have pretty detailed and scary nightmares too. It's a double edged sword, I suppose.

SO! In the comments below, I CHALLENGE THEE! Write out the most favorite dream you have ever had! If it inspired you to write a story or something, let me know!

As I have said before, ignore my challenge at your own risk. I know where all of you live... not really. But someone does. Probably your parents.

Going to DISNEY

For the first time ever in my life I will be going to the place of dreams, the place of childhood innocence. I am twenty two as I write this. It is only by the perks of being married to a Disney-going family that I am now being given the opportunity to fulfill a long lost wish.

 

Put all the "Disney is the corporate devil" stuff aside and remember when you were a kid. I grew up watching the movies, had (some) of the toys, and held the characters near and dear to my little heart. My family was a typical middle class one; no money to enjoy life's frivolous and wonderful extras. I grew up knowing I would never see Main Street USA, never meet Goofy, and never ride It's a Small World.

 

Then that changed. The child not so deep inside of me jumped for joy. I have sung Disney songs in the shower since I could hold a note, dreamed of auditioning as a princess, and know more than enough trivia to win a Disney version of ANY game possible. And so, in two days, we set off for the land of flying elephants, singing fish, and of dreams always coming true.

 

I am not always proud of the choices the Disney corporation has made (how the heck did they get away with some of their movies passing), but lately I have been reflecting on the ways that Disney has grown. Not only do the princesses live happily ever after now, no, they may also do so solo! We all remember Merida choosing the single and proud of it route. Now, love at first sight is rightly challenged. "You can't get married to someone you just met." -Elsa. And now they branch out, not only into the usual, but into the unusual. Marvel and Star Wars, anyone?

 

Little can the simple words "I'm excited" really express my feelings. I am nervous because I am an anxiety wreck with worse case scenarios running through my mind. I don't exactly thrive in hot weather. And I am not a ball of glee when I am woken up early. But despite these things, I am going with my favorite people in the world to the one place that sets my inner child free. (And I have A LOT of inner child.)

 

So channel YOUR inner child. Tell me in the comments what your childhood dream was. It doesn't have to be anything to do with Disney. But you get extra points that I am not keeping track of if it does. And let me know who your favorite Disney character/princess is. Mine is Ariel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Writer's Round Table!

I will begin this post with the simple and much deserved words of: libraries rock.

Let's go back in time, shall we? When books were always on paper and served as one of the best distractions around, who allowed us unreliable humans to borrow these books for FREE? Who gave us a space of our own, nay, even a chair to sit for hours on end? And further, who always provided not just a place to find books, information, and knowledge, but fun? Fun in the form of activities, read-a-longs, even games and contests; all to better our experience which we lived at the local library?

Now let's look at today. With the creation of inventive technologies such as the E-reader, Nook, I-Pad, and online resources like Kindle, good old paperbacks and hardcovers have experienced a slight drop in popularity. It's understandable, and I am not arguing the relatively new purist Vs. neobibliophile argument. Technology has now made it easier, more convenient, and faster to get our favorite books in our hands. But let me remind you of the child in you. The one who demanded a trip to the library on Sunday. The one who walked across town to borrow your favorite series. Or even just go to enjoy the atmosphere.

Libraries are, as the world has evolved, ever changing with us. But I think we've forgotten that. I think we all still think of the library as a building that let's us borrow books and charges us penalties if they are returned late. But libraries are SO much more than that now.

Throughout my life, libraries have been there. They've been a haven to me. A place to hang out with friends. Even a place to meet with like-minded people for a common and much loved cause: writing. And so, I announce to you readers that because of the awesomeness of my local library, Writer's Round Table is now born.

Not only has the library welcomed me, an amateur writer and teacher, to hold a club there but they have provided TWO rooms to pick from, a kitchen, a whiteboard, and flexible times.  You have no idea how much I wanted to hug a librarian that day. I am so excited!

I have too many ideas for the upcoming meets, but I wanted to focus on the libraries themselves in this post. Like I said, they do a lot more for us than you think. Go to your local library and ask for their upcoming events. You'll find so many eclectic and interesting clubs, classes, and meetings that you'll be amazed. So, do me a solid: don't neglect your local library.

Books are born from writing. It's only fitting to have a writing club where books call home. And it's only right to show that home some love every once in a while.

Writing Club UPDATE! AND FIRST CHALLENGE!

I have received the word from on high and unfortunately, the writing club I spoke of before shall not be given birth. YET. I am not giving up! A writer's most valuable asset is her tenacity! Her ability to bounce back in the face of adversity!

In the meantime, if any of you readers are interested, please comment below.

This post will also be the first in a start of challenges I give to you readers. And if you don't complete the challenge, you shall be hunted down by the Nagging Editor!!!  oh, you think you are safe, ha. But the Nagging Editor is no joke. Many a writer has been hounded by the sound of it's pervasive "deeeeaaadliiiiinnnesssss" howl. You have been warned.

First challenge: share me your website! Or your social network! I shall follow or like.

Your Bedside/Nightstand!!!!!

Here is an exercise everyone can do! I did it just last night quite by awesome accident. Looking at my bedside table, my husband remarked at how astutely it could speak volumes of my personality and what I'm into. So let's do it!

First thing you'll notice about my nightstand is that it has two shelves that are stacked high with books. Not just books, but notebooks, comics and novels. Let's take them one by one, shall we?

Gotham Academy. I currently have the latest comic, volume nine, next to my bed. It's a more anime-ish comic in its art style and I like the story so far. Batman, AKA Bruce, does make the occasional caped drop-in but the story centers mainly around a girl named Olive. On top of her mom maybe being a baddie locked away in Arkham, she has some memory issues and serious pyro problems. Next to this comic is Lady Mechanika, a wonderfully steam punk collection of adventures with a strong female lead. If you haven't heard of it, please look it up.

On top of the comics and taking up slightly more space is my latest volumes in the few and VERY select manga series. I am picky about what manga I allow my mind to take in, so these series represent some of the best in my opinion. If you don't like them, that's fine. (Don't hate plz.) Toradora!, Kokoro Connect, World Trigger, and a couple "one shots" make up the mix. I am quite proud of my commitment to these series. Anyone who has waited for volume seven of Toradora! understands me completely and we should be instant friends/war buddies.

And yet, above these are the special books that I have either read and love so much that I need to constantly be within sleeping distance of, or I am currently reading and have yet to finish. Of those that I have finished and love, The Thirteenth Tale, is one I will always hold dear. The ones I'm working on include Walk in the Woods and more recently, You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost!) by the lovely Felicia Day. These are the ones by my bedside at the moment, but my collection also includes Ransom Riggs' Peculiar trilogy and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A well rounded collection, if I do say so myself.

Then there are the prerequisite notebooks that come with being a writer. My notebooks are never just the regular thin ruled school notebooks you get from Wal-Mart. (No offense.) They tend to be the weirder shaped and more adventurously decorated types. One such notebook can be described as fake leather bound with thin paper and bendy cover. I love those ones. If I knew beforehand how much I would have loved this one, I would have bought out the store before it went out of business.

SO! WHAT DOES YOUR BEDSIDE LOOK LIKE?! If you accept this challenge, please comment below with your particulars, or a link to your website where your article is. Let's get to know each other! And not in a creepy way...

In the meantime.... here are some cute pics of my wedding!

Walking back down the aisle as husband and wife.

 Awww, and look at that dapper gentleman.

This last one is of my grandpa, who married us, and my mom. For all family seeing these for the first time, I'm SORRY! Ahhh, I know it's a year later and you have no copies! My procrastination astounds!!!

 

A WRITING GROUP!!!

Hello, all! I am supeerrr duper excited to reveal a possible writing group in the making! I was thinking of the many ways to make writing a blog even more fun when I realized: A WRITING GROUP!

Not that I'm totally not an introvert who loves to talk to a computer screen everyday, but I think the best and most coffee/donut involved way would be to get people together. IRL. So! I have recently approached a very popular awesome bookstore that many of you may be familiar with *Cough* barnes and noble *Cough cough* with a proposal. Not a get-on-one-knee type, but the kind where you email and person and then you email a bunch of other people and then things start a rollin'.

Thus, very soon, I may have the daunting task of coming up with fun ideas for this group to keep ourselves busy with! I already have a ton of ideas but I am always open to suggestions. I'll be keeping you (my meager but well-loved and appreciated readers) updated on the specifics i.e. whether or not said bookstore allows us crazy writers inside.

Hope to keep you riveted.

When Writing Becomes More

Hello, everyone. My name is Brogan Werder and I am a budding author. Like many of the budding authors out there, I am just starting out and have found that an author cannot be an island.

I am still young, but I have found one constant in my life: writing. Since I was in elementary school I have been writing stories. Fantastical adventures in far off lands, monsters who turn out to be misunderstood, and later in life, deeper stories with more meaning. In high school I had many encouraging English teachers; to the point where I almost became one. But that all changed when I finished my first book.

I recently got married to a wonderful man who afforded me the time to actually finish one of the projects I had been working on for the past two years. With the finish of something so big, something I had never been able to do before, I was suddenly asking: "What next?" 

Hopefully with this blog I can help answer that with the knowledge I have already come by. And for the things I don't know, we can help each other. That's what sharing is all about, right?

So for all of us out there who have looked back on our lives and realized what we are not. Realized that we aren't happy unless we are writing. Realized that we are authors.

Welcome.