Finding the muse.

Excuse the mess, we are working to better your experience!

 

I have no true excuses, but hear me out: I got a job. My new job has been eating up a little of my time. The rest of my time has been chewed up by writer's block and reading up on the newest authors. Thus, this post comes with all apologies for the time that has spanned between your hearing from me; whoever you are.

 

So, how have you been? Good? I am well, except for reading an equally beautiful and depressing book and predicting the decline in my love for mermaids because now they are getting to be a popular plotline. I tend to get nauseous over things that suddenly become "mainstream" and "cool" when I have had a genuine love and following for them BEFORE all that.

 

However, every so often, comes a magnificent book within which the pages fly and words compose a story that you can believe in and live on. I sometimes compare reading a book to eating a long meal. Readers know what I mean. A good book tastes delicious. Every word in smooth over the tongue and ruminates like a full and content stomach. Long after the last page you are still chewing on the highlights, your favorite parts playing over in your mind and memorizing where they are in the book. And for a blissful while, you are overwhelmed with joy over the discovery of such a wonderful piece. That joy fills your chest like a warm bloom until you cannot help but grab the closest person and describe your experience.

 

Yet, if you're like me, you also want to horde it. Keep it close to you, clutched to your body so no one can see. I am extremely selfish when I have found a good book. I fight my childish urge to cry "It's mine!" and not share.

 

But I am a writer, too.

 

And all a writer truly wants is to share.

 

So here are few books that speak for themselves: Diane Setterfield's 'The Thirteenth Tale', Soseki Natsume's 'I Am A Cat', and for dessert, a book I have yet to finish but have begun this very day; Natasha Pulley's 'The Watchmaker of Filigree Street'. Normally I reserve judgment until AFTER I've finished my meal, but some books couldn't possibly start tasting bad after such a good start.

 

Enjoy your food. They have been prepared with the utmost talent. Most of the time. Your challenge: comment below about any books that left a bad taste in your mouth afterwards. We have all read books we wish we could throw up and forget about. AND PLEASE: NO HATE. Any hateful comments WILL be removed and banned. We are here to express our opinions, not impress them upon others.

Have You Seen Me?

Have you seen me?

I am always there, right beside you.

Sometimes you even shush me,

demanding my silence when you shouldn't.

 

I really wish the best for you.

That's why I am here.

I watch what you watch and learn what you learn,

and hope what you hope.

 

But have you seen me?

As time goes by, I am less and less.

My very purpose becomes twisted,

I cannot fight it.

 

Sometimes you listen to me,

but more often I am quieted,

more often I am losing my true sense,

my true identity.

 

Now I find myself sleeping more.

I no longer watch over you.

I'm sorry, but you don't seem to want me anymore.

Even though I've protected you for so long.

 

The world has done it's job,

it has stolen mine.

It has replaced me and moved into the very spot I once lived,

the very spot I once thrived inside you.

 

Because now you've forgotten,

I used to be a part of you.

Maybe someday you'll dust me off again.

I can only wait.

 

I am sorry if I used to be such a bother,

really I only had what's best for you in mind.

So now I'll wait for the day,

the day when you remember me,

your conscience.

 

 

 



My Puzzle Piece

Before, I didn't even know I was missing something. I didn't know there was something to miss. I didn't realize that there was another part to me, walking around and living without me. I could have gone years more, a lifetime even, without knowing and I would have survived. I could breathe and function just fine and still be happy.

But then I met you.

You had been existing wholly without me, just as I without you. But when we met, a space that had been between us ceased. The part that had been missing was now found and you fit it perfectly. Like puzzle pieces we came together, with nothing but death to eventually win out and separate us.

There is a warmth where there was once none. An arm, a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean upon. I listen to you breathe in time with me at night, our lungs in unison despite themselves, and vaguely recall my life before you. I had never known such completeness, such agitation, such deep wells of feeling. You stirred them all up within me and, with a touch, calmed them to peace.

You are there when I don't deserve you. When I am at my lowest and even when I fight you, you hold me until I am settled. And I know you won't desert me. My fears are without basis, my anxieties without foundation, my insecurities without frame. All of these crumble and do not hold up against the person you are to me.

I could have lived without you and been happy. I could have gone on and had a full life. But now, there is no before. You are my third arm, my second pair of eyes, my beating heart. And I am better for every inch of your existence that is now attached to mine. I am better for you. My puzzle piece.

Temptation: a contemplation.

Temptation follows me. It is a sexless thing, no shape or form except the one I give it. It follows me everywhere I go, all day, whispering in my ear and drawing my sight to evil things. There are times when it has infiltrated my mind in flashes of pleasure, promises of escape and relief. They are not lies.

 

But what of the cost? Do I sacrifice my humanity? My ability to reason? My self-control? For one moment of bliss? One moment that will eat away at my soul for all eternity? Because just as in one ear temptation whispers it's dare, in the other it curses "Monster!"

 

What is a moment worth? What is the creature at my back worth? Forever it will bite, forever it will gnaw at me, in my guts, chewing on my itching hands. "Just once more," it says. "Then I'll release you." But no. This is the lie.

 

Temptation will forever follow me. It will forever be attached at my hip, like a part of me that I was born with. Outside my mother's womb it waited. It waited years, for it is patient, and took me when my innocence was lost to the world. And now it has latched on, stubborn and refusing to let go. It was born when I was born and shall die when I die.

 

This I live with. It is an inhabitant in my home that doesn't pay rent. But just as it is stubborn, so am I. And I know the truth it wishes me not to see.

 

I can overcome temptation.

 

Temptation is my foil, my antagonist, my villain. But I was born with the strength to beat it. I did not come by this strength on my own. No, it was graciously given to me by God. And He is there to help me fight. There, you see him raise His hand and brace me with it. Because He is here for me.

 

And temptation falls. Surely, as all annoying villains do, it will rise again. But I need only seek out my God and He is here, deeper inside me than any sin could be.

 

And I am not alone. Not here, where the fight includes many. For temptation follows us all.

 

Getting used to FAKE EYELASHES {and other uncomfortable things}

Hello, all! As I write this I am wearing one of the strangest pairs of somethings in the girl fashion world: fake eyelashes! And why, may you ask, am I subjecting myself to this totally voluntary torture? BECAUSE OF CHASE CON EXPO!!!!

There is a great many new things I am trying out for this anime/gaming/anythingtodowithcoolthings convention. One of them happens to be the use of fake eyelashes, for which my costume would be incomplete without.

 

 

 

And now I'm back after sneezing one of them off.

 

 

This cosplay WILL be worth it! For those of you who don't know what cosplay is: COStume PLAY. You dress up in your favorite version of your favorite character from, well, anything [shows, movies, cartoons] and go to a convention to show off your stuff. It's a nice way to get a chance to be someone else for a day and it not be Halloween {not ALL of us celebrate that}.

Some more torturous items that my costume will be involving is a beautiful pink wig and circle lenses. Again, for those not in the know, circle lenses are contact lenses in the color of your choice that happen to be a bit bigger than the diameter of your iris. This gives you a look of a more anime-ish person, in most cases causing your stare to be more like a doll's or alien's. I am going for the former.

I shall be donning a sweet Lolita dress with dolly Mary Jane shoes with a distinct doll face makeup to complete the look. I have watched the tutorials, bought the items in question, and now commence with every day practice. I freaked out my in-laws with the contacts.

The wig is relatively easy to handle and I've already had practice with circle lenses from another cosplay. It is the soft, unassuming, eye dressings that seem to be causing the most trouble. For one thing, professionals make it look easy, but getting the darned things on is a talent for which Simon Cowell might even stand for. Then there is the ever present feeling that something is on your eye. I had actually gotten one to the point of feeling comfortable, but the other simultaneously was stabbing the corner of my eye and also falling off constantly. The sneeze was the finisher.

I'm sure {or at least, I HOPE} that with practice, I'll get better at putting and keeping them on. Which means for the next few days I'll be stabbing my eye with tweezers because the con is this weekend. Ha, ha. [Cue nervous sweat.]

IF any of you out there have suffered for your art, so to speak, let me know. I'm sure I won't be the only one who will have a semi-awkward but amazing time at the con. Hope to see some of you there! I'll be the one blinking furiously.

I'M BACK!!! And still alive. AND WITH CHALLENGE TWO!

Hello all! I am sorry for such the long wait between posts! As you know from a previous post, we went to Disney World. The trip was an amazing experience, one that allowed my inner child to run free and one I'll not soon forget. Then we got home and fall struck with all it's cold temperatures and what follows.

I got sick. Now I'll admit it: I am the biggest baby when I get sick. I hate being sick. Every moment of it is a moment when I feel like jumping out of my own skin and finally being rid of the cage that is my aching and sore body. And all this I dealt with for a week.

This is how I know that I chose well when I picked a husband. He was an invaluable asset, picking up ginger ale, making repeated trips to the store for Mucinex, and serving me whatever my picky and nauseated stomach could handle. He held me in bewilderment, knowing that all he wanted to do was make my suffering stop but being unable to. And all the while, he had to deal with me. Le Miserable.

So. If you ever want to argue that your hubby is better than mine, see above.

And now I return! Healthy, happy, and more well read. (There was nothing to do but read while I was sick.) How have you all been? I am happy to see the page views I missed and hope that you all haven't given up on me!

November rolls closer each day and so does the first day of Writer's Round Table. I am so excited that I dream of scenarios. Speaking of dreams, some of my best writing ideas come from dreams.

A book that I recently finished writing actually originated with a very detailed dream I had two years ago. I started just by writing it down in an enticing description and it took off from there.

Have any of you ever had such a dream? I find that most people I ask, especially adults, say that they can't remember their dreams most nights. I wonder if there is something to that. I hope I always remember mine, even though I have pretty detailed and scary nightmares too. It's a double edged sword, I suppose.

SO! In the comments below, I CHALLENGE THEE! Write out the most favorite dream you have ever had! If it inspired you to write a story or something, let me know!

As I have said before, ignore my challenge at your own risk. I know where all of you live... not really. But someone does. Probably your parents.

Going to DISNEY

For the first time ever in my life I will be going to the place of dreams, the place of childhood innocence. I am twenty two as I write this. It is only by the perks of being married to a Disney-going family that I am now being given the opportunity to fulfill a long lost wish.

 

Put all the "Disney is the corporate devil" stuff aside and remember when you were a kid. I grew up watching the movies, had (some) of the toys, and held the characters near and dear to my little heart. My family was a typical middle class one; no money to enjoy life's frivolous and wonderful extras. I grew up knowing I would never see Main Street USA, never meet Goofy, and never ride It's a Small World.

 

Then that changed. The child not so deep inside of me jumped for joy. I have sung Disney songs in the shower since I could hold a note, dreamed of auditioning as a princess, and know more than enough trivia to win a Disney version of ANY game possible. And so, in two days, we set off for the land of flying elephants, singing fish, and of dreams always coming true.

 

I am not always proud of the choices the Disney corporation has made (how the heck did they get away with some of their movies passing), but lately I have been reflecting on the ways that Disney has grown. Not only do the princesses live happily ever after now, no, they may also do so solo! We all remember Merida choosing the single and proud of it route. Now, love at first sight is rightly challenged. "You can't get married to someone you just met." -Elsa. And now they branch out, not only into the usual, but into the unusual. Marvel and Star Wars, anyone?

 

Little can the simple words "I'm excited" really express my feelings. I am nervous because I am an anxiety wreck with worse case scenarios running through my mind. I don't exactly thrive in hot weather. And I am not a ball of glee when I am woken up early. But despite these things, I am going with my favorite people in the world to the one place that sets my inner child free. (And I have A LOT of inner child.)

 

So channel YOUR inner child. Tell me in the comments what your childhood dream was. It doesn't have to be anything to do with Disney. But you get extra points that I am not keeping track of if it does. And let me know who your favorite Disney character/princess is. Mine is Ariel.